Well it's been almost two months since my last entry and as Buddha says, 'Everything changes, nothing remains without change'. While this rings true, there are moments where I feel stuck, confused, in a holding pattern of some kind. I guess today is one of those days and I can't quite put my finger on the problem. I have always placed such high expectations on myself and on my partner. Perhaps I am just not living up to the standards I have set in my mind. I feel as though I am losing motivation and passion. Am I pursuing my true calling? What is that true calling anyway? Am I going in the right direction? Standing up for myself? Making the right decisions to attain true happiness? Connecting with the people that matter?
On this blog, I am going to let it all hang out. I am going to try my best to express my true feelings. I know that it helps to write a stream of consciousness. I hold so much inside that I need the release. One of the main issues is that I have been neglecting my yoga practice and therefore neglecting myself. I have not been taking full advantage of the outdoors and all the wonderful activities that coincide with winter. And there are always a million excuses. I'll do it tomorrow, it's too cold, I'm too tired, I'm hungry, I have to go to work. Well, cry me a river! I am not starving or homeless or destitute. In fact, it's just the opposite. I am so incredibly lucky as Bob will be the first to attest. We have it all - a beautiful home, good jobs, friends and family that care. Why do I continually look at the worst case scenario? I guess I am feeling a little disconnected and needy at the moment. It's not easy moving to a new town where you know no one and you are trying to figure out how best to fit in. Yes, we have met some really neat people and I hope in time that I will begin to feel more at ease within this new community and more content with just being on my own. I miss my family and friends in Ontario so incredibly much. It's just not the same without them. I know that I moved to Terrace for Bob and perhaps I blame him for my nostalgia and uncertainty of the future. How long will we live in Terrace? Will I come to call this place my home? Am I limiting my opportunities by moving to such an isolated town? Or am I opening a whole new world of possibility? Well I think I just answered my own question. It's all in the mindset and as Buddha so beautifully states, 'With our thoughts, we make the world'. I want to shine like the stars. I want to set goals and achieve them. I want to live in peace and harmony. I want to be happy and make others happy as well. I want to do good in my community. I want to relax and just be in the moment. So let's start again. 'Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present of the moment'.
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